Chris, this is an important topic and I'm glad you addressed it.

Just for the record "alpha males" are the single most terrified category of humans. Fear is the only thing that drives them. You have demonstrated actual strength by writing this article.

I'd like to offer a perspective shift. Perhaps the "problem" is not which definition of "man" we believe in. Maybe the problem is that we keep trying to define ourselves instead of learning who we are. We need to be more humble. It is childish to insist on delusional certainty over rational uncertainty.

My advice?

Don't try to define "yourself" at all. Focus on the honest perception of reality as you find it, not who you “are.” Don’t try to think like a man or any other identity. Just be as honest as you can with yourself.

I have found I get better results if I focus on understanding reality as I find it, rather than deciding what I want it to be and then trying to force reality to comply with my will.

Our obsession with trying to bend reality to our will is at the heart of "toxic masculinity." It’s not a “man” problem, it’s a human problem. It’s fundamentally delusional and keeping us from operating rationally in the world as it is. The problem is delusional humanity.

Humanity needs to grow up, we're stuck in a destructive juvenile state because we refuse to accept our ignorance and are thus blind to our stupidity.

However, contrary to what you might think, accepting our ignorance, while uncomfortable at the moment is the only way for us to walk on firm ground. It may feel awkward at first because we are so addicted to the delusion of certainty.

The more rational we become the better we get at finding our footing. While we may feel less certain we actually have a more precise understanding of reality which provides actual stability. As we become more stable we find we become more comfortable with uncertainty.


I intend to model alternate ways of thinking and approaching life’s challenges. Hopefully, you can use my stories to develop your own rational perspective.

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