Such a thoughtful and loving article. I really appreciate your vulnerability, it demonstrates true strength. We know we cannot fix others. However, perhaps we can help.

Notice the section I highlighted, you link "beauty" with "mystery" and "awe" with "wonder." I think there is something super useful here.

My favorite saying is: Uncertainty is uncomfortable but certainty is ridiculous. I believe that humanity is juvenile and we just don't know very much about anything. We are childish so we play pretend and fool ourselves into thinking that certainty is a rational goal.

If we survive long enough to mature, I am convinced humanity will learn to embrace uncertainty. In a functioning society/family Snake would have had the "safe childhood" necessary to learn the beauty of mystery and the awe of wonder.

Sometimes depression results from stumbling around tripping over things because we can't see the ground below us. That ground is actual reality. We are taught to embrace delusions that make us feel better. But the only reason we need to feel better is that we keep tripping over life. Our addiction to certainty actually prevents us from understanding reality. The result is delusion and depression. It's a classic dependency cycle.

Once we begin to see the earth below our feet we can stand with confidence in our uncertainty.

Here is how I have learned to remain balanced: I do my best to understand my inner space and reality as rationally as possible while always searching for my errors and improving myself. For me, depression is a lack of growth. Once I gave myself permission to take the reigns I began to learn how to steer the carriage.

IDK if this helps at all. I hope it does!